Unsure Future but Steadfast Savior
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. – Psalms 27:12-13
Well, here we are at the mid point of the month of February. A little over a month from now and I’ll be 23. That’s a weird feeling. Actually the weird feeling is being out of college and working everyday. I enjoy my job but at the same time I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life.
All the things that I thought I’d be doing when I graduated, I’m not. Journeyman is on hold till God shows me where He wants me. The church job I looked at might not happen because they want someone with some music background. I’ve just taught myself and don’t know much.
I think I’m at a point where God wants me to be still before I move on. Paul spent time in the desert before he spent the rest of his life preaching to the Gentiles. Some people say that Paul spent close to 13 years in the desert before he moved on. Moses spent 40 years herding sheep, getting ready to herd the Nation of Israel. Jesus spent 30 years learning to walk, talk, and interact with people. He spent probably half of that time learning how to build tables, chairs, carts, and other stuff. If you look at it in one light, you have to wonder why Jesus spent so much time building stuff and less time preaching repentance. I’m not going to answer that but it gives you something to ponder.
So if this is the model we have to follow, then why does everyone automatically assume that now that I’ve graduated from college that I’m immediately going to become a career missionary. Some people think I’m going to do Journeyman, seminary, and then spend the rest of my life as a missionary. The one thing that they and myself both have forgotten is that God can change our plans. They are not ours anyway.
I have never really had time to just be still and listen to God. I’ve always been so busy working for Him. BCM and church, I didn’t leave anytime for God. God used me sometimes, but I missed the bigger picture. He doesn’t care if I preach to a million people, he just wants me to love him and be in constant fellowship with him. He will take care of the rest. So many times we try and get ahead of God and help Him out.
So now that I’ve had time to stop and listen to God and know that Journeyman is not where He wants me right now. Not to say that maybe in the future, but right now He wants me here for a reason. I am beginning to truly enjoy life. I’m enjoying going home and cooking dinner. I enjoy just sitting down in my recliner and reading or playing guitar. I’m happy just going to a movie or out to eat by myself. It’s taken me a long time to get here. I can finally say I’m happy. I have no money to pay bills, but God has and will continue to provide. I have no one special in my life but God is becoming more important to me each day than that person ever could. I can wake up and have no direction and feel like my life is pointless; however, I know that God is at work in me and has something in store for me. I can’t see it now, but I can cling to the single fact that God is there and that is enough.
So much of my life I’ve spent wondering where I’m going and what I’ll do next, and it always frustrated me when God didn’t show me. I’m slowly letting go of that and just being content knowing that He will never leave nor forsake me.
I think I can finally say with all sincerity that God is good, all the time & All the time, God is good.
Friends that Stick Closer than a Brother
It’s been a while since my last mass email. This one is a little more thought provoking instead of a self-revelation.
I went home Friday night and I took the long way home. It gave me some time to think. A lot has been running through my head lately. My future, school, relationships, my life in Christ. Several really stood out so I thought I’d share what God’s been showing me and maybe it’ll be relevant in your life as well.
I’ve been thinking about how shallow my friendships have become recently. What I mean is that we have a lot more acquaintances than true friendships. My mother talks about friends of hers from college and she is still in contact with them. She knows all kinds of things about them. Now switch over to me. Maybe I don’t put forth the effort or people just don’t feel comfortable opening up to me, I don’t know, but that’s beside the point. I’ve got maybe two friends that I can tell you their parent’s names, siblings’ names and clubs and groups they were involved with in high school. Knowing these things, helps you better understand people. It helps you understand their outlook on life. I know this sounds like Soc 1010 but hey what do you expect. Seriously though, I’m not saying that by knowing these things you will be closer friends, but you have to wonder how close your friendship is when all you really know about the person is where they are from and their major. I think that is part of the problem with so many of us is that we have way too many acquaintances and not enough friends. Jesus spent 3 years with the disciples. He knew what foods they liked, how they would react to a situation before it happened, he knew if Peter liked black or brown sandals. He knew this not because he was God but because he invested his life into these people. I think that is something I need to work on more in my life.
Along those same lines is the fact that I’ve gotten so caught up in what will happen after graduation, that I’ve lost sight of what’s in front of me.
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. – Colossians 4:2-6
I have not made the most of every opportunity lately. I’ve realized that these classes that I’m going to so I can graduate are full of people who want to know the love of God. I haven’t devoted myself to prayer for those around me and I haven’t been watchful. Looking at that verse right now, it’s amazing how much Paul mentions that we need to pray. God has been slowly bringing me out of my latest funk and been working on me about prayer. A couple of years ago, I didn’t think I could possibly pray for twenty minutes and now I’m not done in twenty minutes. I’m slowly learning not to pray but to allow God to lead me to pray. It’s amazing sometimes. You haven’t thought about something for a couple of weeks and God will bring it to mind while your praying. I’ve still got a long way to go but he is showing me a great deal about prayer. I’m slowly seeing as well that I’ve got to focus on today and not January. When Jesus talks about not worrying about tomorrow for today has enough cares of its own. I think he was talking about more than just worries. I think he was trying to tell us that there are objectives that he wants us to reach each day. Opening a door for someone, spending time in his word, going to class, smiling at someone, sharing with someone what Jesus has done in your life. When we put our focus on tomorrow, we miss all the things he has for us today.
The last thing I’ve been thinking about (this really is the last thing and then I’ll shut up). I’ve been thinking about “my future” and “my plans.” That’s just it. It’s been MY PLANS. At first, I had planned to stick around in Natchitoches till August and then do Habitat for a year. Then God began to work on me about doing Journeyman as soon as I graduate. Part of me was ok with it and the other part of me wasn’t.
As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” He said to another man, “Follow me.” But the man replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family.” Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” – Luke 9:57-62
I’m not worried about not having a home if I go overseas. I not worried if I have to leave my friends and family. It will be hard but I can do it. The thing that God finally showed me was that I really wasn’t willing to give up on a relationship. My days are short at NSU and I’ve been holding out all hope that I would find someone and we would live happily ever after. God asked me if I would be willing to remain single with no possibility of a relationship for another 2 years. (You are not allowed to date as a Journeyman). So basically, the whole thing boiled down to: Do I follow God and remain single or go my own way and try finding it on my own.
I can’t say that I’ve totally resolved this yet either. Though God’s slowly giving me a peace about the whole situation and letting me rest in the fact that he will work all things out for the good of those who love him.
I know I’ve gone on and on but hopefully something stuck out and will let think about what God’s doing in your life.
Gracias para todo y vayan con Dios.
