Seminary: A Crucible of Faith
So about a year and a half ago, I got around to responding to a friend’s question of how had seminary affected my faith. Over the last few weeks, I have come back to this question. Some of those things I am still struggling with. The difference now is, my classes this semester seem particularly timely. They are forcing me to take a deeper look at myself. Read more
Jars of Clay
I went to a men’s conference this weekend. The focus was on discipleship. There were musicians leading in worship and speakers compelling us to form relationships with other men in order to disciple them. There were also stirring dramas and videos demonstrating characteristics that we should seek to have in our lives. Read more
How it all began…
Over the Labor Day weekend, my mother, brother and I rented a car and drove from Louisiana to northern Missouri to attend a family reunion. I enjoyed it because I got to meet family I had never met before. As is the case with every reunion, there was good food. There was the occasional comment about how there weren’t going to any grandchildren on my side of the family. And also there were the stories of our family roots. Where our family came from. How they ended up where they were. There was also the common lament that as a family we had not done a good job of documenting our history. We are slowly losing the oldest generation of our family and with them a clearer understanding of our family’s legacy. Read more
Getting my kicks on Route 66
So a couple of weeks ago I was in one of my lulls at work, so I decided to look around and mind a place I’d like to go on my vacation. I wanted somewhere fairly close because of the price of gas but I wanted to get out of Texas. So I pulled up a map of KOA campgrounds and found one outside Elk City, Oklahoma. I did some looking and it sounded promising. Read more
Coder’s Block
For the last several weeks I have struggled with programming. I completed all of my large projects and found myself with only mundane and/or repetitive coding in front of me. One day it was so bad that I just clocked out early because I could not get focused. Beginning this week, I would start my day by coming up with some little personal project to get into the right mindset. For instance, I wanted to see if I could pull stats from WordPress.com via Perl scripts. I was unsuccessful but I learned some things along the way. Because of this I was able to transition to another project and get it completed.
These little distractions were helping me overcome my coder’s block but I still struggled. That began to change on Wednesday. I was listening to Buzz Out Loud and the discussion sparked an idea. I got to work and began toying with the idea for geek-maps.com. I worked on it for a little bit and then switched over to my work projects. When I got home that evening I worked for several hours on the site. When I got to work the next morning, I didn’t have as hard a time getting started.
As I continued working throughout the day Thursday and then on Friday I noticed some nice side-effects. There was this new energy for my work. I also found that each project built upon the other and solved problems inherent in both. Another side effect was the overcoming of my writer’s block. As I worked on geek-maps, I began writing about what I was doing and the problems I was trying to solve. My purpose was simple. I was writing to let visitors know what I was up to and, it helped me think things through.
Writing for geek-maps, I was not worried about the topic or my sentence structure or the tone. I just wrote. Some authors say that it is the best way to combat writer’s block. It took this experience for me to see the evidence. I have had all kinds of ideas rattling around in my head, but I have not been motivated enough to write. My hope is that with this renewed energy I will begin to put some of those ideas to paper.
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When a solution presents itself
“I find, that if I just sit down to think… the solution presents itself!” – Henry Jones, “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”
A thought occurred to me today as I was walking around. Many of my coding roadblocks are overcome after one of my walks. These walks initially began out of boredom, frustration, or sitting for too long. But as I continued the practice, more often than not, a solution would come to me as I wandered around. Each time another roadblock appears now, I am much more likely to get up and go for a walk.
It’s wonderful when I have been beating my head against a wall for several hours and a quick lap brings clarity. This phenomenon also occurs when I’m trying to go to sleep but usually, I simply lie awake thinking through the problem with no solution appearing. Other times, I might be in the shower getting ready for work and an answer will pop into my head.
There have been times where my frustrations have led me to cry out to God for a solution. This should be my first reaction. I could point to psychology or mental tricks but through these experiences I am reminded of where the answers really come from. The ability to reason is an ability given to man by God. God has commanded each of us to work. So who better to ask for wisdom about the job I have than the One who is Wisdom and has commanded me to work.
For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6
Insomnia and the Sound of Rain
So my laptop says it is 3:44am. I really don’t know why I am still awake. I have been having frequent bouts with insomnia but I don’t think it is stress-related. The projects I have at work are moving along nicely and there aren’t any inter-personal conflicts. I’m not in class this semester so I’m not stressed over a paper. So I’m at a loss for why I’m sitting here wide awake.
One bonus to still being awake is I got to listen to the rain. There is something about storms and hearing the rain fall that brings back memories. I think back to when I was a kid and we would go out and play in the rain. Feeling the wet grass under my feet. Hearing the thunder roll in the distance. Or to just sit inside and watch the rain fall and see how things changed. Those hot summer afternoons that were interrupted by a much needed shower. Maybe I’m weird but there is something therapeutic about rain.
I remember one day in particular. I was spending the summer in Mexico as a summer missionary. It was a Saturday and the family I was staying with had left for the day. I woke up late and could smell the rain in the air. The house was quiet except for the sound of the rain outside. I had been having a hard time adjusting to culture shock. That morning helped me slow down and not worry about the problems I was having.
30 Years in Review
I turned 30 yesterday. In light of this milestone, it caused me to reflect on the last 30 years. I have lived in six states. I have lost my father and two grandparents. I have traveled to four different continents. I started a business and watched it fail. I graduated college and now I am in seminary. I have been a janitor, pizza delivery driver, roofer, entrepreneur, and computer programmer. I have experienced the joy of great friends gathered in fellowship. I have experienced the bitterness of watching my life fall apart and being impotent to do anything about it.
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Semi-Celebrityness & the New Model for Media
I don’t watch TV in the traditional sense anymore. I canceled my cable subscription a few months ago to save money and I watched too much of it. Even if I knew there was not anything on that interested me, I would still sit and just channel surf.
Currently I have rabbit ears on my TV but I don’t watch broadcast TV that much. I think the writer’s strike had a lot to do with that. All the shows I had been following stopped producing new episodes. The strike is over but we are in a lull waiting for new episodes. So in the interim, I have been consuming new video podcasts. Some are produced by media companies and some are produced by a couple guys with a set in their apartment. There are thousands of audio podcasts but the cost for professionally produced video podcasts is more prohibitive. Many of the shows I watch are produced by Revision3. They are a new media company producing content and distributing it over the web. It seems like they are launching a new show every couple of weeks. I download the podcasts to an old computer connected to my TV and then I kick back and watch the shows.
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The Lesser of Two Bad Decisions
It’s interesting how the consequences of past decisions rear their heads and throw your plans for a loop. I moved to Ft Worth two years ago to attend Southwestern Seminary. I came here with some debt that I incurred from my try at self-employment several years ago. Instead of spending the intervening time saving money to pay off my debts, I squandered the opportunity. Each semester I went a little bit farther into debt. One month I might get ahead and save up some money and then something would break or some unexpected problem would arise and I would wipe out my savings.
Several weeks ago I began looking at the schedule for this semester and registered for only one class. That was mostly due in part to the fact that I waited until the last minute to register. Once I began calculating the costs for this semester, it hit me. I just cannot be a good steward and continue to finance my education on debt. On the one hand, if I sit out this semester I feel as if I’m quitting. On the other hand, if I go further into debt for school I feel like being irresponsible. So either way, things are out of kilter and my plans are out the window. So I made the lesser of what feels like two bad decisions. I’m choosing to sit out this semester and work as many hours as humanly possible and save money. I’m also cutting expenses wherever possible. It was sad after I looked at my budget and saw how much I spend on eating out each month. By the grace of God, I can start back this summer and be able to pay cash for my classes. It is also my goal to have started paying down my debts by then.
