I went back and read some emails that I have sent over the past year. There is some really deep stuff in those emails. I can’t take credit for it though. It was God speaking through me. It’s funny I’m still pretty much where I was in those emails. It feels like I’m in a vicious cycle. One month I’m doing good on my own and the next I’m moaning over how things aren’t working in my life.
I guess I’ll start with the whole dating, spouse hunting ordeal. I recently stuck my heart out on the line to see if someone shared the same feelings for me that I had for her. Let’s just say that I’ve had a perfect track record for hearing a woman tell me that she just wants to be my friend. Isn’t that what your wife/husband is supposed to be to you, your best friend? I feel like I’m in junior high every time I venture into this territory. “Can you tell so and so that I like them and find out if they like me back?” Can’t we act like adults and just tell each other how we honestly feel about each other. And no matter how much you tell yourself that you don’t care if it works out, it still feels like your heart got flattened when you hear those words. I’ve never been mad at any person in particular, just mad at myself for falling hard and letting myself get hurt. It’s a double-edged sword. You either get out there and get your heart broken or you close yourself off and not let anyone in and keep your heart intact, but you’ll be alone.
I have an idea. Let’s all become Vulcan. They are able to be social and have friendships but they have no emotions so they are not worried about whether somebody likes them. They don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves because they see no logical reason to do so. But let’s face it. We’re not Vulcans, and we are going to have to deal with our emotions. God gave them to us and understands how we think and interpret them. I wish there was an appendix on emotions in the back of the Bible to tell you how to deal with them but there isn’t so we just have to rely on God to give us the strength to endure. And so begins the great cliché that we all hear. “It will all happen in God’s timing.” Ask any person six months before God’s timing occurred and see if that phrase is comforting to them. It’s not. We can only get that peace from God and so many of us don’t want that peace. We feel for some reason or another that if we accept God’s timing then we will be 50 before we find someone.
I’ve also had several women tell me recently that I’m a wonderful Christian guy and they love my heart for God. I’ a great guy who wants to follow after God but you don’t want to go out with me. Then who do you want to go out with? Some guy that is an atheist and loves to beat women. It seems like my life is filled with paradoxes when it comes to dating. I’m a great friend and someone who will listen to their problems but I’m not husband material. I’m a godly man but not husband material. I’m a willing servant but apparently not the type of servant Paul called men to be in Ephesians.
It may sound like I’m bashing women or something but I’m really not. I’m just taking a step back and taking a look at how we go about this whole thing called dating. I think I’m so aggravated, and I’m sure many others are, with this whole convention called dating because it is a man-made concept. All man-made concepts are flawed and in turn will carry with them frustration. That is why people find no sanctuary in success, money, or power. They are all man-made and are empty. There is no substance. The same is with dating. We try to find fulfillment in dating and even in marriage but we will fail and ultimately will be frustrated if that is all we seek. The way to have marriage be fulfilling is by including God in the equation. But just by seeking God does not mean that we will automatically find our spouse.
So in the end we are back at square one. If we are seeking after God and have someone then God is good and times seem good. If we are seeking after God and don’t have someone then we question God “When?” There is no formula to plug in the pieces and get it to work. However, that is how our society is wired. We learn that if you plug in X and Y then you get the square root of Z. But God doesn’t work with equations. So when we try and plug God into an equation we get frustrated because he doesn’t fit. So really in the end, all we are left with is the old cliché. It does nothing to comfort our broken heart but it is the truth of God, and at these times all we can do is cling to the truths of God. So even if it is uncomforting, still cling to the truth that “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.”